The End of the World

[Editorials]

Bad journalism has left me in despair!

Posted by Martin  [Tags: Over-analysis, Rants]

This little gem by a stateside student paper columnist Elon Glucklich cropped up over at the AUKN forums and since no comment I could make on it would either fully express my feelings nor indeed get through to its author, I’ve decided to set them out here. I haven’t edited or abridged this at all: it’s cp/ed from the source and I’ve merely added footnote numbers that refer to my own thoughts in order to keep this monument to journalistic ignorance intact and preserved for posterity. You can either use it as a case study for your own written projects related to misconceptions of anime in Western culture or in a more general sense use it as a reference in How Not to Argue Your Case. Or just laugh yourself silly because I, like A Geek By Any Other Name, suspect it could be written as a April 1-style joke, albeit a weak one. Cheers to Bateszi for the find - click the MOAR tag to read the full madness.

It wasn’t until around the fifth grade that I began to think something was wrong. That year, a strange new cartoon worked its way into the social lexicon of coolness. It was called “Dragon Ball Z” and, for reasons my 10-year-old mind could not articulate, it was making me nervous[1]. Ten years later, I can’t help thinking that I could have done something, anything, to stop the tsunami of anime that was to come.

In a society dominated by excess and two-second attention spans, cartoons play a significant role in preparing us for the world. Each can be thought of as a 30-minute babysitter, instilling the kids who watch them with certain values and life lessons. But the landscape has changed[2].

Before I go any further, I should state the following: No matter who you are - whether you’re black, white, Asian, Latino, even Canadian - I don’t judge you by the color of your skin. I say this because I direct my comments to the media elites, in Japan and elsewhere[3], who have taken it upon themselves to flood the airwaves with shows like “Pokemon,” “Digimon,” and “Yugio” - sorry, “Yu-Gi-Oh!” They all started as card trading games, and should have ended there as well. Instead they’ve jumped to the mass media, where they’re slowly chipping away at our collective moral fiber[4].

It’s not a conspiracy. A conspiracy, by definition, requires that multiple parties are working together to achieve some sort of goal. None of the shows I’ve seen make nearly enough sense to be working toward anything other than a lackluster battle between Bulbasaur and Charmander and the next commercial break[5].

Don’t believe the threat’s real? A report from CNN’s Tokyo affiliate in December 1997 documented an incident in which “More than 700 people, mainly school children, were rushed to hospitals Tuesday after suffering convulsions, vomiting, irritated eyes and other symptoms.” Was it a gas leak at the local school? No. Were the kids breathing glue out of brown paper bags? No. Were they watching “Pokemon”? You bet your authentic Squirtle trading card they were[6].

Remember the cartoons you watched as a child, like “Rugrats”? Everyone watched “Rugrats.”[7] With his toothless grin and indomitable spirit, Tommy Pickles represented the very best in all of us. He was like a Che Guevara for the MTV generation[8]. Sure, when he and the rest of the Rugrats “grew up” I died a little inside[9]. But still, not a day goes by where I don’t take a moment and thank Tommy for the life lessons he taught me. So what is Pokemon teaching the next generation of kids? The virtues of capturing exotic animals and making them fight for your amusement? I already learned that from Michael Vick[10].

Some of you may be thinking, “That’s all well and good, but what about all of the mindless American television?” After all, this country invented mindless television. And networks like VH1 are keeping that proud tradition alive. But the difference here lies in the target audience: Shows like “Flavor of Love” and “Hogan Knows Best” are watched by people who have already been stupid for years, even decades. There’s nothing we can do but make them as comfortable as possible[11].

The next generations of kids aren’t even getting a chance. Unless something is done to reverse this trend, we’re going to be looking at millions of high school dropouts who don’t see the point in going to college unless it teaches them to capture magic crystals[12]. No one wants to see that day. This issue transcends politics, even religion. It’s the ethical dilemma of our day and age, one that makes me want to throw my hands in the air, and yell, “Will someone think of the children?”[13]

Notes

1. I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here - I haven’t actually seen much DBZ. However, since this sort of show is often edited heavily for Western kids’ TV strictly speaking this guy probably hasn’t seen it either.
2. This problem has more to do with American values than anything. It’s the responsibility of parents to decide what is suitable for their children so this is merely making bad TV the scapegoat. Bowling for Columbine, anyone?
3. Is it just me or does this guy come across as a trifle xenophobic? don’t worry though, he doesn’t hate you - even if you’re Canadian(!).
4. Didn’t America practically invent consumer culture and merchandising? Also, the fact that US networks willingly purchase the rights to broadcast foreign-made TV is lost on Mr Glucklich.
5. Everyone knows it’s the NHK and their goddamned conspiracy!
6. And now our hero alerts us to the fact that the Japanese are testing WMDs on their own people! One isolated incident that took place a whole decade ago is being blamed for perceived problems years later. I see no valid point but I do see an attempt in getting the reader’s attention through shock tactics. Epic fail.
7. No we didn’t. My sisters loved it but I thought it was lame. Ha.
8. Placing a fictional toddler alongside a communist revolutionary who oversaw executions in the name of the poor of South America? Bravo sir. I’d also like to point out that the other two leading figures of the MTV generation are Beavis and Butthead…clearly Ghandi and Mandela of a sofa, then. It’s also another case of a pretentious know-it-all trendy type who bandies Che’s name around without knowing who the guy really was.
9. Yeah, growing up’s a bitch, huh? Ever heard of ‘character development’ in fiction? Funnily enough, by the time I’d reached this paragraph I’d died a little inside too.
10. Being a UK resident I had to look up Michael Vick. In a nutshell he’s a famous US footballer and sports personality who was suspended after being charged with involvement in gambling and illegal dog fighting. Here’s a question: who’s a more significant role model to US kids? Fictional cartoon characters playing with magical animals or a real person who’s been convicted in a court of law for misusing animals for financial gain as well as amusement? Mr Vick was advised by his attorney not to use “I gotta catch ‘em all!” as his defence, apparently.
11. This epic use of doublethink is one of several points where Glucklich’s arguments are utterly nonsensical: is he implying that bad Japanese TV is worse than the American equivalent? Has he wondered why US TV contains foreign shows as well as domestically-produced ones?
12. Hide crystals in US classrooms and see truancy rates fall! How’s that for a good idea, eh?
13. I now apologise for encouraging you to read this far. Thanks for sticking with it and I hope you had a laugh.

In Closing

I can’t say I’m surprised at this sort of article - as any UK anime fan who’s seen the stuff papers such as the Daily Mail prints will testify, anime has a bad press. I’ve purposefully avoided “yes, but what about Shinkai and Kon, or the studios Ghibli and 4°C?” in my own arguments, since this rant is about the commercial, mainstream children’s anime that’s been most viewers’ only experience of the medium, not anime as I think of it (i.e. serious cinema and TV production). Granted, Pokemon is by and large garbage, but this guy’s delusional view that it’s in any way more harmful than American stuff is outrageous - he’s also probably judging it on the watered-down, edited-to-hell versions which are an abomination even to the hardcore fans of the shows anyway.

As someone who respects anime and Japanese culture in general, I’m quite insulted by Glucklich’s views but I’m even more offended on a literary level by the fact that he throws this sort of crap out and expects it to stick. His research is patchy at best and nonexistent at worst: I have no formal English qualification beyond GCSE level (age 16) but it’s still clear to me that in order to put any written piece into the public domain, some research is necessary. e.g., I had to look up Che and Vick on Wikipedia, just to make the sarcastic jibes above…and this is just a private blog! Besides, if you think my own journalistic skills are substandard, Active Anime make a pretty neat job of tearing this thing to pieces.

If this sort of stuff is representative of the young journalistic talent of the great U.S. of A., I truly feel sorry for you guys. Even if the writer makes a follow-up post, stating how it was meant just as a joke or something, it isn’t doing too well at being satirical. Either way, I charge Glucklich with OVER NINE THOUSAND internets as penalty for his misuse of the English language and an equal penalty to the Oregon Daily Emerald for letting that sort of nonsense (whether it’s serious or satirical) get past their editing team and be posted online. EPIC FAIL.

[Filed under Editorials]  [Tags: Over-analysis, Rants]

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